Sans titre

Sometimes, I feel like this:

Je ne voulais rien entreprendre qui n'eut une justification totale. Je souffrais de ne point parvenir à mettre des étiquettes définitives sur les choses et sur moi ; j'aspirais à la nécessité. La liberté c'est très joli mais épuisant. Je ne voulais pas d'un monde où subsistaient des choix, des remords et des compromis. Tout me paraissait vain si tout n'était pas assuré.
-Jean D'Ormesson

My relationship status with life right now: it's complicated. The next few months of my life are up in the air, refusing to subject themselves to my meticulous planning. It's times like this when I resort to lists and cold, hard, delicious facts.

Fact #1: I have applied for grad school.
Subfact: If attending grad school is as intense as applying for grad school, I may just be in over my head.

Fact #2: I don't know if I will get accepted to grad school.
Subfact: I don't know what I will do if I don't get accepted to grad school. But I've been working myself up for so many months now for a big change that I don't know if I can continue without some sort of upheaval. Nothing like a change in scenery to remind you you're alive.

Fact #3: I don't know where I will work or live this summer. And it's already March.
Subfact: I may remain ignorant for some time now on this account. There are many other factors that the where's and if's are contingent upon.

Fact #4: I have failed in the following New Year's resolutions:

• Do yoga every month at least twice. Yep, haven't touched the mat since January. Unless you count a few post-run downward dog stretches. Which I don't.

• Read at least one book a month. January only made the grade because I reread Chretien de Troye's Le Chevalier au Lion, in English, in order to rewrite a paper on the same. February found me part way through 3 books. One of them is under 50 pages. I will finish it tonight. A victory?
• A monthly post for the blog and journal. Yeah, nuff said.

Subfact: I have succeeded in the following resolutions:

• Maintain a new recipe a month. Success in this case is, quite literally, sweet. I have tried several new recipes a month. So much so that I can't keep track of them all. I even made curry the other day WITHOUT, yeah, that's right people, WITHOUT, SANS, SIN, a recipe. Oh yeah.
  
• Learn to live with less. If you don't take into account my body's voracious ability to need doctors, supplements and expensive, GF good, I think you could give this one a check. Plus. I haven't bought myself a book or item of clothing all year. I also have barely had time to buy myself groceries. But. like. whatever.

Fact #5: Sometimes, happiness is getting off work in time to watch the sun set.
Subfact: Happiness is exponentially greater when I am able to run in it. Rare. But not impossible.

Fact#6: I like running again! I nailed 7 miles this weekend and my recovery seems to be better every time. I'm even averaging 9:30 a mile instead of 10.
Subfact: Oh, and did I mention, my calves are getting bigger.

Fact#7: This weekend I got to run, read, nap, and hang out with friends after I was done being alone. Today, I cracked open one of my Runner's World magazine. I've been subscribed for 6 months and this is the first time that has happened. I feel completely spoiled. My dishes have been done the last 3 days. My room is semi-clean. I am prepared for school tomorrow. And I'm BLOGGING! I'm sorry for the friends I'm abandoning in the process of filling my me-time meter.
Subfact: All apologies aside, truly, I am a better person for these simple indulgences. Trust me.

Fact#8: Since having started this post last week there has been the earthquake/tsunami/nuclear explosion in Japan. I'm not going to attempt to touch on the magnitude of the thing. First of all because it's unknown and secondly and most importantly, I know there are so many other people out there living it whose stories won't get told or understand and I don't really want to waste anyone's time with mine. But, let me just say that I've felt a little guilty, this past week, going about things as if nothing had changed with the routine remaining the routine when there are thousands of peoples' lives which will never be the same. I am grateful for so many things and I feel like it's so unfair for me to have them when others don't. I've been plagued by an obsession with justice since before I can remember. I have a girl in one of my classes who suffers from the same condition. She's a walking panic attack, honestly, the 4 year old has "anxiety" written all over her. So I'm not saying it's a good thing. It's just a thing and if anything probably not a good one. But aside from all the injustice and my inability to really do anything at all, I'm reminded of Job, actually. And of my last post. The one about belief in God being a product of having to rely or not rely on him and all the varied, deep and well undiscussed implications. Yeah, that one. And so, in the spirit of vicarious fairness, I have been imagining myself in the middle of such a catastrophe. Not that I claim to be able to fathom. But human empathy has its uses and I claim them often. Human empathy has brought me to the realization however that no amount of self deprivation on the part of anyone or everyone else living is going to be able to set things right to the point that things will be how they were. And, looking at the history books, that's nothing new. Call me cheesy or whatever but it puts me in mind of a Lord of the Rings quote. Oh yeah, the one about deciding what to do with the time given to us that makes me cry every time. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are a lot of things I feel unfit to do. But I think that the most meaningful thing I could do now and in the midst of any personal catastrophe is do what Job did. Or, as Journey puts it: don't stop believin'.

Metamorphosis. 2010 to 2011 in list form.

Books read in 2010:

• Grapes of Wrath
  The Road
  The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
  The History of Love
  My name is Asher Lev
  Mindset
  The Alchemist
• Hunger Games Trilogy
• How Languages are Learned

Books started but not finished (I blame the ADD)

• War and Peace
• Manual del guerrero de la luz
• Book of Three

Bands seen in Concert:

• Desert Noises
• Joshua James (twice)
• Spoon
• Vampire Weekend (twice)
• Imagine Dragons
• Neon Trees
• (I think I'm missing some)
  

Soundtrack of 2010:

• New Slang-The Shins. This song is in my soundtrack for every year.
• Countdown (Sick for the big sun)-Phoenix
• My Moon, My Man-Feist
• Bodies and Minds-Great Lake Swimmers
• Don't Stop Believin'-Glee. Yes. Glee
• Dream-Priscilla Ahn
• Defying Gravity-Yeah. Wicked. Maybe I listened to this song on repeat for hours on my drive to Colorado. Et alors?
• Hero-Regina Spektor
• Horchata-Vampire Weekend
• Fans-Kings of Leon
• Contra-Vampire Weekend
• Quelq'un m'a dit-Carla Bruni
• Finer Feelings-Spoon
• Somedays-Regina Spektor
• Dog Days are Over-Florence and the Machines
• The Underdog-SPOON!
• Be my Thrill-The Weepies
• Dilly-Band of Horses
• Next to Me-Sleeping at Last

Now onto some post-worthy goals for 2011. Because, let's face it, I bet there isn't a blogger out there who isn't obsessed with goal making, if not list making. I just can't fathom it. I'd happily be proven wrong. So I'm gonna indulge the suspicion that bloggers are also typically blog followers. And made of the same stuff. And therefore justify you wanting to read about my goals.

And so, in no particular order:

• Maintain this blog. Also maintain a journal. At least one post/entry a month for each.
• Get accepted to grad school. Yeah, no big deal.
• Maintain one new recipe a month. Hey, here's an idea: if I write about it, that could also fulfill my blog post per month requirement. Augh. Fulfill. Requirement. Yeah, I'm not applying to grad school and my mind is not being infiltrated by loaded, restricted and otherwise unhappy words or anything.
• Read a book a month. I've done the math. If I read a book a month for the next 50 years, that is only 600 books left to read in my lifetime, likely. 12 books in a year is hardly an accomplishment. So, I either have to read more than that, or I have to make each one count. Book club, anyone?
• Run that stinking half marathon. Or else die trying. Seriously. Sometimes, when I squeeze into my stinking running gear and look into the mirror I think to myself: hardcore. But, most of the time, I think: fraud. I think the fraudulent version of me will haunt the hardcore version of me until I have photographic proof of me crossing the finish line. But if I really want a hardcore version victory, I will run the entire race. And be crying with laughter or pain as I cross that line. Just sayin.
• Learn to live with less. Which will entail saying no to myself several times a day. No, you don't need a new itouch. No you don't need that new app. No, you cannot buy that book because guess what, you can read it for free. It's called a LIBRARY. No, you don't need to buy that movie even if you can watch it (by yourself) in French. Because guess what, you haven't watched 6 of the last 10 movies you've bought. No, you cannot buy any more clothes that do not fall into the following categories: socks or underwear. Because you have so many clothes you forget about half of them and don't physically have room for more. (I could probably write pages on the art of saying no to oneself. We are familiar foes, the word 'No', and I. 'No' knocks on my door several times a day, challenging me to duels. I look him up and down several times in admiration and open the door only to shove it in his face in secondthought as he is about to cross the threshold. I'm a pansy, to tell the truth. I don't even try to fight. My mom has kitchenware that she has had for over 20 years. No upgrades. I've heard several women tell of when they were new mothers and too poor to buy a crib so they used a drawer in a dresser. Such 'No's seem unfathomable to me.) But hey, maybe if I made a list of all the things I passed by or reconsidered I would, it's true, not have anything more. Except a beautiful, checked off list. And maybe the satisfaction of that list will get me by where 'Yes's once did.
• Do Yoga at least twice a month.
• Become an Aunt. Oh, well, this one is already being taken care of. But it's exciting news! And I have to point out that I couldn't be an Aunt if I had been such a terrible child that I scared my parents away from having any more children. So I should get some credit for that.
• Have a little more faith. So we learned about Utah becoming a state and all this week. You know, the story of the pioneers and such. And maybe it's because I've had a lot of conversations lately with various people about life planning, career pursuing, the economy, marriage making and all that hitching your horse to somone else's wagon bit, which, let's face it, complicates all those other matters exponentially, BUT I seem to be reminded a lot lately how vulnerable and unpredictable life is. And there's this part of me that thinks that vulnerability is an exception to the rule. That it's wrong and and unnatural. That it should justifiably be paralyzing. But I got thinking about them pioneers. And then we read about Elijah in Bible Study at school (ensuing drought and famine). And I remembered the Grapes of Wrath: and realized that civilization has, for thousands of years, lived and breathed such vulnerability. Maybe they fought it? Maybe they were so well acquainted with it that it had ceased making them uncomfortable? But for thousands of years, life could be compromised several times a year. If it didn't rain or if it rained too much, if it was too hot, or if it was too cold, or if there was a migration of the wrong kind of animal. There was no guarantee of food. There was no guarantee that a fever couldn't wipe out an entire family. But it didn't stop them from living and dreaming and believing. And it just got me thinking, that it's no wonder so many people don't believe in God anymore; they don't have to. Why would they want when they live with the justifiable illusion that they are in control? I guess this hit me pretty hard because I'm kind of a control freak. A planner, to put it nicely. And I think I need to learn to live with, get comfortable with, this notion of unpredictability. And, mostofall, to have a little faith that, despite all the ways things might go wrong, they will turn out all right in the end.

Comment te dire adieu? Or merci.

So if I don't write on this thing soon it will mean that I fail at my goal of writing on this thing at least once a month. And we can't have that now, can we?

As usual, I have too much of everything to say. For one reason or another I feel like I've lacked the time recently to process half of my thoughts, let alone write about them.

I gave a talk today about agency. It's something I thought alot about over the summer and I went back and I realized I had written pages and pages on this thing in the form of miscellaneous drafts about life, this, that, and the other.

I guess I underestimated the significance of this summer. I thought through a lot of stuff. I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's funny how some of the things I've gone through or done thinking they would be minor have ended up having a long lasting impact. I think half of the reason I like to get away, and relocate temporarily as often as I can is because it forces me to do a lot of adapting and reevaluating. Being out of my comfort zone-though not in a hugely forced or awkward way-has always resulted in this huge upheaval of confusion and questioning and ended up in me piecing my self back together more solidly than before. Maybe it's just age and the fact that most people, as they age, become more conservative, but I feel like the upheavals are less intense and that the piecing back happens more readily with each year.

Speaking of years, this one is almost up. I've been smiling to myself all week as I've thought back on it and on what I wrote on this thing almost a year ago: that 2010 was my year. And it really has been. Not in the outward sense; I have nothing to show for myself. But I know I'll look back on this year as one in which I figured out a lot of things. Hopefully.

Call me freakishly methodical or just plain weird in my desire to ascribe significance to random things, but I was thinking the other day how my "big years" are always the even years.

2000: Um, I turned 16. Fall football as yes, a pep-clubber. Enough said, right?

2002: Graduated Highschool. Freshman at the U. In this first semester I met most of the people I would hang out with the rest of my college years.

2004: Went to France. Toured Europe. Wasn't sure about the whole God thing. Decided I believed after all. Discovered the Shins. Stopped working for my Dad and started working at Lenderlab. A pretty darn pivotal year.

2006: Decided to graduate. English and French, baby. Did the whole diploma thing. I was accepted to teach English in France but decided I wanted to serve a mission instead. Had the best darn summer of my life. Said some awesome goodbyes. Left for Quebec.

2008: Returned from my mission. Got to see my sister married. Picked up the thread of my old life, though I was never, ever the same. I miraculously found out about the school where I work now and got a job there. I am grateful every day for that wonderful blessing. Grandma H and Grandpa B passed away. I decided to not go back to school. (Yet)

2010: A full year of this blog and gluten free eating! The Moab (ie Hundred Acre Wood) and Vegas (ie Horchata meets the 3 Gemini) trips in all their disastrous glory. Third year of teaching-and yes, it's a charm. Nanny job in Colorado. A summer of way too many phone calls and not enough person to person interaction and a lot of thinking. Almost a full year of barefoot running. Moved out. Made a decision about grad school. Passed the GRE! I should probably mention the 500 words smarter I am. As humbly as possible.

But do you see what I mean? The pattern is striking. So I guess next year I can just twiddle my thumbs and wait for 2012 so don't be sorry if you don't hear from my uneventful self. Too bad the world will end that year. (But at least it fits the pattern, right?)

In all seriousness though, this year has been awesome. I'll post some resolutions in a week or so.

What I'm trying to say- really, truly, humbly-is that I'm one of the lucky ones. Not that I deserve it. Not that I always will be. But I hear about how hard life is for some people and I cannot truly relate. I can empathize, yes. But I've had it so good. I chalk most of this up to the wonderful people I know and the rest of it to the big guy upstairs.

But sometimesIgetselfishandmaybedesperateandItrytoholdontoItwiththetightestgripIknowhowto makeinfearthatsomeday,thesethingsmightgo

away.

And in moments like that, the words 'thank you' seem too small. But I'll say them anyway.

For the record. My number one goal for 2011: to loosen the grip. And to really start showing them.

Going on 3 hours of sleep can sometimes bring you here. Not such a bad place.

Some days I feel very alive. My heart rate has little to do with this. I pulse all the same. But some days it's like I'm more aware. More glad of it. More scared of it. And yet.

Days where I think, "you know, if it ended here, how could I not say I was happy?"

I remember once, being sixteen and driving home from work and listening to music (there is always music) in my car (there is often a car). And it hit me (it possibly being hormones, to be perfectly honest. I mean come on here, what kind of hypochondriac would I be if I didn't try to chalk it up to some bodily malfunction). I started to cry I was so happy. And I remember feeling lucky. Because some people wake up afraid or they have trouble catching their breath or opening their eyes to face what's waiting for them; but not me. I got to wake up happy and I had nothing to do with it.

I made up my mind then to never judge another person for the chemistry they were subject to. Not that it excused the consequences. But I wouldn't judge them.

Now I still hold to that resolution, more or less. But I've also recognized patterns that chemistry can't speak for. And it would be silly of me to deny that happiness, while it may come in waves as a result of too little or too much estrogen, dopamine, or heaven knows what else, is also cultivated, whether consciously or not.

I've had a series of five star days. Bursting at the seams days. Hold back the tears notbecausetheyarebadbutbecausetheyaregoodfornoreason days. And I've decided to make a list of foolproof things that make me feel:

• A song I can sing along to, with an unsupressed smile, on my way to work. And back.
• Time that I have to read for pleasure. Time that I have to write for pleasure. Or better yet; time for both. Emotional and intellectual indulgence.
• Being able to run: not away and not to. Just run. Barefoot. Because it feels like freedom.
• A conversation in French.
• Food that I make for myself when I am not already starving. Especially when it is healthy. Or not. Like, really not.
• Looking or thinking about someone or even something (puppitos or Cat-face) and being filled with love. Because it means that somewhere, under the layers of selfishness, that God is in my heart and I can't be all that hopeless.
• Not letting my kids get under my skin. All day. (It's not easy)
• Not being annoyed at boys.
• The warmth of Cat on my feet when I wake up.
• When one of my kids gives me a surprise hug.
• The purchase of a bar of chocolate all for me.
• Time for a nap.

I'm not saying I still don't have it easy; that I still don't have it good. I do, I really do.

But when I don't or when I don't remember, this list can serve as a reminder that that all if not most of these things are almost always within my reach. So that I can consciously cultivate or at least be grateful for the highs.

Now off to bed because one of the most sure ways to ruin a perfectly good tomorrow is with lackofsleep grumpiness. So bonne nuit.

A Year of Plenty, A Decade of Sound

I have officially been inspired. Being the list-lover that I am, I started to make a list of the books I'd read this year and the concerts I'd gone to. That in turn made me want to make a playlist for 2009. Then I was checking out my cher ami Winston's blog and he highlighted the past decade of his life. So I attacked that project too and failed miserably. Summarize? Yeah, way beyond my remote concern of being condescending. Oh, oops, that would be the Shins slipping into my subconscious and finishing my sentences. Beyond my capacity is what I meant to say. The past 10 years have been full of awesomeness, but because I can't summarize to save my life you don't get to hear about it, it's far too personal what I've come to write about. I've gone as far as summarizing 2009, complete with my aforementioned lists (in no particular order):

Bands seen in concert:

Joshua James
Imagine Dragons
The Devil Whale
Horse Feathers
The Sounds
Ting Tings
The Killers
1964-Beatles Tribute
Sea Wolf
Band of Annuals
Andrew Bird


Books Read:

The Hero and The Crown
Goose Girl, Enna Burning, River Secrets, Forest Girl
Marie Antoinette-The Journey
Persuasion
1984
Tale of Two Cities
The Book Thief
Milkweed
The Wanderer
Howl's Moving Castle
The Last Unicorn
Twilight Series
The Kite Runner

In French:
Eragon
Le journals d'Aurore: Jamais contente
Le journal d'Aurore: Toujours fachée
Demain la lune


And a summary of 2009:

The first full year back from my mission. Milestones: First full year as a teacher and never happier with my job and the people I work with. First trip to Hawaii. First time skinny dipping (yep, Hawaii). First time watching fireworks from the beach (Marseille). First visit to Prague. First time I have ever run over 2 miles.

High(and low)lights:

I went back to France after swearing to myself in 2004 that one day I would. That it turn, inspired this blog.

Our kitchen is finished, our basement as well, and Cat now comes when I call him.

I decided not to even attempt to pursue getting an MFA in Creative Writing and started writing again.

I got in my first wreck in my car: cement parking pillar meets front driver's end while backing out in a moment of complete-if not nauseated induced-idiocy.

St. Valentine pays my throat and nice visit and leaves me with a present in the form of Strep.

All my former companions return from their missions and daughter #3-Monterrosa-and I, with my sister Amy in tow, embark for Cali to live up spring break 09.

I live 2 months in Marseille and learn that I would rather live where it is too cold than too hot.

Grandpa Brady passes away.

I start reading my scriptures in Spanish again, so I'm slowly getting up to speed with my Spanish again.

I learn that I am sensitive to Gluten. And soy. And milk. And that everyday life without those things is not as impossible as I would have thought.

Still haven't been camping since 2006, and that is my biggest regret of 2009. Not bad, my friends, not bad at all.


I thought this was all I had to say. Ha.


But THEN, in an unbidden stroke of genius, I realized that all those unsummarizable moments of the past decade could be instantaneously summoned, summarized, and made personal and yet accessible if I put them in list by way of the songs that I associate with each year. So yes, there is some chronology that comes into play, especially during my younger years when I, like everyone else, just listened to the radio and ate what was fed to me. But a lot of these songs remind me, not only of an era, but of places I went, people I met, those I hung out with. Each song beckons a memory and that memory is more or less nestled in the year listed more than any other time. Some songs are generic, juvenile even. They are not necessarily my favorite songs. Some have a lot of memories and I could have listed them every year. I tried to limit myself. Considering my original goal of 5 songs per year, I theoretically failed miserably; I gave up limiting myself to numbers and tried to stick to limiting myself to excessive overlapping of artists and songs. Some are reflective of my dancing habits more. Some people evoke a lot of songs. Some songs evoke a lot of people. Some evoke one place so particular that the song evokes a physical memory, so precise that the only way I can get back to that place is by listening to that song. That, is why music is the lifeline of my decade past and many decades to come. But the best part is, that while this is my list, it might be yours as well at some intersection of time and sound in that strange realm where memories are kept alive by the beat of a kickdrum.

So here you are, 2009 in all its glory followed by the songs of my past 10 years (again, the songs listed are in no particular order):

Songs for 2009: The Year of Plenty
1. Heartbeats-Jose Gonzalez
2. Bunny Ain’t No Rider-Of Montreal
3. Sometime Around Midnight-Airborne Toxic Event
4. If Work Permits-The Format
5. Stay Away From Me-Honorary Title
6. Anonanimal-Andrew Bird
7. Only Four Songs and A Fight-The Sounds
8. Loveshack-B-52’s
9. Slow Pony Home-The Weepies
10. Run-Leona Lewis
11. I Feel it All-Feist
12. Closer-Kings of Leon
13. Your Love=Math The Devil Whale
14. Poker Face-Lady Gaga
15. Tony the Beat-The Sounds (Just do it, do it do it do it !)
16. Comme Des Enfants-Coeur de Pirate
17. Somewhere Over the Rainbow-Israel
18. Flightless Bird-Iron and Wine
19. Portions for Foxes-Rilo Kiley
20. Timelapse Lifeline-Maria Taylor
21. You Belong With Me-Taylor Swift
22. Lisztomania-Phoenix
23. Baby I’m a Fool-Melody Gardot
24. Falling Through the Roof-Horse Feathers
25. Dangerous-Joshua James

2008-The Comeback
1. Masterfade-Andrew Bird
2. Be the One-Ting Tings
3. Start a War-The National
4. How it Ends-Devotchka
5. Australia-The Shins
6. Paper Planes-MIA
7. Wilco-True Love Will Find You in the End
8. Live Your Life-TI
9. Viva La Vida-Coldplay
10. Disturbia (Scurvy Love)-Rihanna
11. 15 Steps-Radiohead
12. Origin of Love-Rufus Wainright
13. Shut Up I’m Dreaming of A Place Where Lovers Have Wings-Sunset Rubdown
14. Down Boy-Yeah Yeah Yeah’s
15. Kids-MGMT
16. See You Again-Miley Cyrus


2007-The Mission (Besides EFY and Enya, I had songs that were constantly and recurring in my head. I didn’t choose them, they chose me. There are a few others I heard in stores or while waiting for car repairs. And a few others that we listened to to keep us sane-ie, Amelie)
1. A Decade Under the Influence-Taking Back Sunday
2. Hey Jude-The Beatles
3. Hallelujah-Jeff Buckley
4. Bringing Sexy Back-Justin Timberlake
5. If You Were A Sailboat-Katie Melua
6. Hey There Delilah-Plain White T’s
7. How To Save A Life-The Fray
8. You Are A Runner and I Am My Father’s Son-Wolf Parade
9. If You Could Hie To Kolob
10. Amelie Soundtrack


2006-The Summer of my Life
1. Under Pressure-David Bowie
2. Know Your Onion-The Shins
3. Evil-Interpol
4. Walking With A Ghost-Tegan and Sara
5. Boat to Row-Band of Horses
6. Open Invitation-B.R.M.C.
7. Land Locked Blues-Bright Eyes
8. The Other Side of Mt. Heart Attack-The Liars
9. Leif Erikson-Interpol
10. How to Disappear Completely-Radiohead
11. Anything You Want-Spoon
12. Over My Head-The Fray
13. Dinner Bells-Wolf Parade

2005-Lenderlab & The Bronco II
1. Don’t Speak-No Doubt
2. Slow Night, So Long-Kings of Leon
3. The End Has No End-The Strokes
4. I Summon You-Spoon
5. Like Eating Glass-Bloc Party
6. Exit Music (For A Film)-Radiohead
7. Let Go-Frou Frou
8. Hide and Seek-Imogen Heap
9. The Rat-The Walkmen
10. The Promise-When In Rome
11. Only Difference Between Martydom and Suicide-Panic at the Disco
12. Bandages-Hot Hot Heat
13. Boys Don’t Cry-The Cure
14. Harder to Breathe-Maroon 5
15. We Used to Be Friends-Dandy Warhols
16. Monkey Gone to Heaven-The Pixies

2004-Study Abroad in France & Misc European Travels
1. A Different City-Modest Mouse
2. Somewhere Out There-Our Lady Peace
3. Midtown-No Place Feels Like Home
4. New Slang-The Shins
5. Maps-Yeah Yeah Yeahs
6. Somebody Told Me-The Killers
7. Time is Running Out-Muse
8. I Believe in a Thing Called Love-The Darkness
9. Quelqu’un M’a Dit-Carla Bruni
10. Such Great Heights-The Postal Service
11. Everlong-Foo Fighters
12. When You Come Back Down-Nickel Creek
13. Chemicals Between Us-Bush
14. Smells Like Teen Spirit-Nirvana
15. Chocolate-Snow Patrol
16. The Luckiest-Ben Folds
17. In the Shadows-The Rasmus

2003-Freshman year
1. Always – Saliva
2. No One Knows-Queen of the Stone Age
3. Seein’ Red-Unwritten Law
4. Down-311
5. Hands Down-Dashboard Confessional
6. Hurricane-Something Corporate
7. Not A Pretty Girl-Ani Difranco
8. Freshmen-The Verve Pipe
9. Hey Ya-Outkast
10. Seven Nation Army-The White Stripes
11. The Warmth-Incubus
12. Lightning Crashes-Live
13. Young and Hopeless-Good Charlotte
14. Girls not Grey-AFI


2002-18
1. One More Time-Daft Punk
2. Warning-Incubus
3. Taste of Ink-The Used
4. I’m Like A Bird-Nelly Furtado
5. Complicated-Avril Lavigne
6. Pretty Girl – Sugarcult
7. Not A Pretty Girl-Ani Difranco
8. Running Away-Hoobastank
9. A Thousand Miles-Vanessa Carlton
10. Can’t Get You Out of My Head-Kylie Minogue

2001-The Year the Towers Fell
1. Amber-311
2. Days of the Phoenix-AFI
3. Say it Ain’t So-Weezer
4. Best I Ever Had-Vertical Horizon
5. Hanging By A Moment-Lifehouse
6. Cowboy Take Me Away-Dixie Chicks
7. Authority Song-Jimmy Eat World
8. Chop Suey! System of a Down
9. Everywhere-Michelle Branch
10. Independent Women-Destiny’s Child
11. Drops of Jupiter-Train
12. Blurry-Puddle of Mudd
13. Wherever You Will Go-The Calling

2000-Sweet Sixteen
1. Yellow-Coldplay
2. Wonderwall-Oasis
3. Californication-Red Hot Chili Peppers
4. Superman’s Dead-Our Lady Peace
5. Anna’s Song-Silverchair
6. Here With Me-Dido
7. 3 Libras-A Perfect Circle
8. All the Small Things-Blink 182
9. Bye Bye Bye-Nsync
10. I Hope You Dance-Lee Ann Womack