Metamorphosis. 2010 to 2011 in list form.

Books read in 2010:

• Grapes of Wrath
  The Road
  The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
  The History of Love
  My name is Asher Lev
  Mindset
  The Alchemist
• Hunger Games Trilogy
• How Languages are Learned

Books started but not finished (I blame the ADD)

• War and Peace
• Manual del guerrero de la luz
• Book of Three

Bands seen in Concert:

• Desert Noises
• Joshua James (twice)
• Spoon
• Vampire Weekend (twice)
• Imagine Dragons
• Neon Trees
• (I think I'm missing some)
  

Soundtrack of 2010:

• New Slang-The Shins. This song is in my soundtrack for every year.
• Countdown (Sick for the big sun)-Phoenix
• My Moon, My Man-Feist
• Bodies and Minds-Great Lake Swimmers
• Don't Stop Believin'-Glee. Yes. Glee
• Dream-Priscilla Ahn
• Defying Gravity-Yeah. Wicked. Maybe I listened to this song on repeat for hours on my drive to Colorado. Et alors?
• Hero-Regina Spektor
• Horchata-Vampire Weekend
• Fans-Kings of Leon
• Contra-Vampire Weekend
• Quelq'un m'a dit-Carla Bruni
• Finer Feelings-Spoon
• Somedays-Regina Spektor
• Dog Days are Over-Florence and the Machines
• The Underdog-SPOON!
• Be my Thrill-The Weepies
• Dilly-Band of Horses
• Next to Me-Sleeping at Last

Now onto some post-worthy goals for 2011. Because, let's face it, I bet there isn't a blogger out there who isn't obsessed with goal making, if not list making. I just can't fathom it. I'd happily be proven wrong. So I'm gonna indulge the suspicion that bloggers are also typically blog followers. And made of the same stuff. And therefore justify you wanting to read about my goals.

And so, in no particular order:

• Maintain this blog. Also maintain a journal. At least one post/entry a month for each.
• Get accepted to grad school. Yeah, no big deal.
• Maintain one new recipe a month. Hey, here's an idea: if I write about it, that could also fulfill my blog post per month requirement. Augh. Fulfill. Requirement. Yeah, I'm not applying to grad school and my mind is not being infiltrated by loaded, restricted and otherwise unhappy words or anything.
• Read a book a month. I've done the math. If I read a book a month for the next 50 years, that is only 600 books left to read in my lifetime, likely. 12 books in a year is hardly an accomplishment. So, I either have to read more than that, or I have to make each one count. Book club, anyone?
• Run that stinking half marathon. Or else die trying. Seriously. Sometimes, when I squeeze into my stinking running gear and look into the mirror I think to myself: hardcore. But, most of the time, I think: fraud. I think the fraudulent version of me will haunt the hardcore version of me until I have photographic proof of me crossing the finish line. But if I really want a hardcore version victory, I will run the entire race. And be crying with laughter or pain as I cross that line. Just sayin.
• Learn to live with less. Which will entail saying no to myself several times a day. No, you don't need a new itouch. No you don't need that new app. No, you cannot buy that book because guess what, you can read it for free. It's called a LIBRARY. No, you don't need to buy that movie even if you can watch it (by yourself) in French. Because guess what, you haven't watched 6 of the last 10 movies you've bought. No, you cannot buy any more clothes that do not fall into the following categories: socks or underwear. Because you have so many clothes you forget about half of them and don't physically have room for more. (I could probably write pages on the art of saying no to oneself. We are familiar foes, the word 'No', and I. 'No' knocks on my door several times a day, challenging me to duels. I look him up and down several times in admiration and open the door only to shove it in his face in secondthought as he is about to cross the threshold. I'm a pansy, to tell the truth. I don't even try to fight. My mom has kitchenware that she has had for over 20 years. No upgrades. I've heard several women tell of when they were new mothers and too poor to buy a crib so they used a drawer in a dresser. Such 'No's seem unfathomable to me.) But hey, maybe if I made a list of all the things I passed by or reconsidered I would, it's true, not have anything more. Except a beautiful, checked off list. And maybe the satisfaction of that list will get me by where 'Yes's once did.
• Do Yoga at least twice a month.
• Become an Aunt. Oh, well, this one is already being taken care of. But it's exciting news! And I have to point out that I couldn't be an Aunt if I had been such a terrible child that I scared my parents away from having any more children. So I should get some credit for that.
• Have a little more faith. So we learned about Utah becoming a state and all this week. You know, the story of the pioneers and such. And maybe it's because I've had a lot of conversations lately with various people about life planning, career pursuing, the economy, marriage making and all that hitching your horse to somone else's wagon bit, which, let's face it, complicates all those other matters exponentially, BUT I seem to be reminded a lot lately how vulnerable and unpredictable life is. And there's this part of me that thinks that vulnerability is an exception to the rule. That it's wrong and and unnatural. That it should justifiably be paralyzing. But I got thinking about them pioneers. And then we read about Elijah in Bible Study at school (ensuing drought and famine). And I remembered the Grapes of Wrath: and realized that civilization has, for thousands of years, lived and breathed such vulnerability. Maybe they fought it? Maybe they were so well acquainted with it that it had ceased making them uncomfortable? But for thousands of years, life could be compromised several times a year. If it didn't rain or if it rained too much, if it was too hot, or if it was too cold, or if there was a migration of the wrong kind of animal. There was no guarantee of food. There was no guarantee that a fever couldn't wipe out an entire family. But it didn't stop them from living and dreaming and believing. And it just got me thinking, that it's no wonder so many people don't believe in God anymore; they don't have to. Why would they want when they live with the justifiable illusion that they are in control? I guess this hit me pretty hard because I'm kind of a control freak. A planner, to put it nicely. And I think I need to learn to live with, get comfortable with, this notion of unpredictability. And, mostofall, to have a little faith that, despite all the ways things might go wrong, they will turn out all right in the end.